The Real Oregon

The world’s greatest Fourth of July parade returns to Creswell this year at 11 a.m. on, yes, July 4.

The parade loops around downtown, which is so small you don’t really need a map to figure out the parade route. It usually kicks off with a breath-taking military flyover and always winds up with a chicken barbecue in the park.

If you’re coming from out of town, arrive a bit early, as the freeway exit for Creswell gets pretty jammed at parade time with all those Eugeneans coming down to find out how to have fun.

The best wax museum we’ve ever seen was in Mexico City, where the tourist attractions are not always hampered by matters of taste. That Mexican wax museum, which has since burned down, offered an R-rated smorgasbord of bodice-ripping scenarios best left, just now, to your imagination. This is a family web page.

The Wax Works, in Newport’s old town, is strictly PG, but nearly as good. It’s got Bigfoot. It’s got D.B. Cooper. And, best of all, it’s got a nightclub where you walk in and — surprise! — you’re the entertainment.

Don’t let your stodgy friends talk you out of this one. Or, better yet, leave your stodgy friends at home and have a better time without them.

Afterwards you can have lunch at Mo’s and be a fully realized Oregon tourist.